I sent this to her two siblings and their significant others at the time; no one ever replied. I guess I didn’t expect ’em to. Found it in my email and figured I’d post it here.
I’m just gonna try and walk in here for a second, hit this target relatively clean, and then walk out.
First off, I want you all to know that I did care about each and every one of you in different ways. I was close with y’all in varying degrees over the last eight-nine years (less for K), but you all mattered to me and you still matter to me in some respects.
Second, I don’t know how this shit will look down the road. Someday she might end up with someone new and then y’all gonna have that person in your life, so at that point I wouldn’t think you’re emailing me a lot. There’s always Instagram and bullshit like that so I’ll see you from afar or whatever, but … I don’t know what the picture will look like.
Third thing is there will probably be different narratives on this. You all might not care about those specifics, but I fucked up a bunch of stuff and yes, relationships are also two-way streets.
I guess the final thing I wanted to say (second to last actually) is that I apologize to all of you for some things along this road too. Obviously Gigi was not a big fan of me in various pockets of time, and a few times I played that shit poorly. I kind of have a lot of issues around “connection” or “wanting to connect with people,” probably because my mom was an alcoholic when I was young, and I think when I got into the Antunez side, I thought I was entering something that I put on too high of a marker … and then when that marker wasn’t there, I would get angry and be stupid. So that’s on me, and I wanted to apologize to all of you for that.
The final thing I want to say is thank you for being a part of my life and maybe continuing to be in whatever form that takes.
Be well, alright?